Lakeland Mirror

Issue date: 2/15/07 Section: Opinions

Dear Cary,

Recently, I've been feeling depressed. Someone close to me died and my ex ended our relationship. I just can't seem to stop thinking about things and I just don't feel like doing anything. What should I do?

Losing everything

Dear Losing everything,
I'm not surprised you are feeling this way. It sounds like you've lost a lot in a short time. Grief or loss doesn't only happen when someone dies. People can grieve for many reasons: end of a relationship; a move to a new community; the death of a friend, family member, important person or pet; illness of a loved one; a lost opportunity or life goal.
Grief, itself, is a normal and natural response to loss. People grieve in different ways. Grieving is not forgetting, nor is it drowning in tears. It is important to realize that acknowledging your feelings helps you heal. Time and support also help the grieving process.
The stages of grief include Denial or shock, Bargaining, Depression, Anger, and Acceptance. Stages may occur in a different order for many people.
Here are some suggestions that can help while you grieve:
• Acknowledge and accept all feelings, both positive and negative.
• Use a journal to document the healing process.
• Confide in a friend, counselor, or clergy; tell the story of the loss.
• Crying offers a release.
• Go gently -- take your time, don't give yourself a deadline for being "over it";
• Try to avoid taking on new responsibilities or making major life decisions for a time;
• Pray, meditate or take quiet time:
• Do something to help someone else.
Avoid using alcohol or other drugs to "forget" or to avoid your feelings. Though the feelings are painful, it is important to experience them. If you would like to talk, please call Cary Knier at x1527.

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