Out of the Pockat
A struggling individual coming to terms with the limits of his own intelligence
Rob Pockat
Issue date: 1/31/08 Section: Fun House
Well, I'm finally a senior; a time when the synthesis and application of acquired knowledge should be a seamless occurrence in my life. So why do I feel so ignorant and incompetent?
I like to dunce it up as much as the next guy, but lately my attempts at logical or intellectual thought have been…limited. (See, I couldn't even come up with anything wittily demeaning to describe my academic dizziness.)
I remember confidently and cockily strolling the campus grounds during my freshman and sophomore years, knowing that my intelligence would increase ten-fold by the time I graduated. And now I'm just glad to slink across campus without getting beat up by an honors student.
The only reason I don't feel that I'm at a complete intellectual loss is because John Sieglaff is my section editor. When he's around, I feel brilliant. It's just too bad his days are numbered.
College is a time of great intellectual awakening and enlightenment, yet I feel like my faults and inadequacies are being magnified by the Hubbell telescope.
Thomas Edison once said that, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." Maybe I'm simply not sweating enough.
I decided I needed to talk to a professional. With $100 in singles in my hand I bellied up to the stage hoping for some insight. $78 later, a fine young woman by the name of Purple Mountinz suggested that I see a therapist. Maybe Edison was right, because this perspiration thing was definitely beginning to pay off.
Upon telling this new-found therapist of my inner struggles, he simply suggested that if I were a bit smarter my self-confidence issues would be resolved. He then said, "Time's up, that'll be $120.00, dumbass."
I decided that religion could perhaps heal my insecurities and help me to find my intellectual being. I immediately turned to Scientology to give me the answers I so desperately needed.
I found a video clip containing the unbalanced ramblings of a well-known celebrity. This guy, in my opinion, was cracked! His cheese had definitely slid off of his cracker. He ate the full can of crazy. He fell out of the lunatic tree and hit every branch on the way down.
You get the picture.
This made me feel pretty good. I may not be the quickest duck on the pond, but I definitely don't have a YouTube video showcasing my ineptitude, I just have The Mirror.
As I thought about it, I decided that maybe I'm not completely ignorant after all.
Sure, there is things I'm not good at…like subject/verb agreement, speeling, and punctuation? But I am taking classes to improve these areas of my life because I may need to know some of the grammaratical rules someday.
So, if you see me walking across campus with my head down, I'm having a stupid day and I know it. If you have a chance, say something nice to me; I need all of the mental support I can get.
And, if you see John Sieglaff, just laugh at him.
I like to dunce it up as much as the next guy, but lately my attempts at logical or intellectual thought have been…limited. (See, I couldn't even come up with anything wittily demeaning to describe my academic dizziness.)
I remember confidently and cockily strolling the campus grounds during my freshman and sophomore years, knowing that my intelligence would increase ten-fold by the time I graduated. And now I'm just glad to slink across campus without getting beat up by an honors student.
The only reason I don't feel that I'm at a complete intellectual loss is because John Sieglaff is my section editor. When he's around, I feel brilliant. It's just too bad his days are numbered.
College is a time of great intellectual awakening and enlightenment, yet I feel like my faults and inadequacies are being magnified by the Hubbell telescope.
Thomas Edison once said that, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." Maybe I'm simply not sweating enough.
I decided I needed to talk to a professional. With $100 in singles in my hand I bellied up to the stage hoping for some insight. $78 later, a fine young woman by the name of Purple Mountinz suggested that I see a therapist. Maybe Edison was right, because this perspiration thing was definitely beginning to pay off.
Upon telling this new-found therapist of my inner struggles, he simply suggested that if I were a bit smarter my self-confidence issues would be resolved. He then said, "Time's up, that'll be $120.00, dumbass."
I decided that religion could perhaps heal my insecurities and help me to find my intellectual being. I immediately turned to Scientology to give me the answers I so desperately needed.
I found a video clip containing the unbalanced ramblings of a well-known celebrity. This guy, in my opinion, was cracked! His cheese had definitely slid off of his cracker. He ate the full can of crazy. He fell out of the lunatic tree and hit every branch on the way down.
You get the picture.
This made me feel pretty good. I may not be the quickest duck on the pond, but I definitely don't have a YouTube video showcasing my ineptitude, I just have The Mirror.
As I thought about it, I decided that maybe I'm not completely ignorant after all.
Sure, there is things I'm not good at…like subject/verb agreement, speeling, and punctuation? But I am taking classes to improve these areas of my life because I may need to know some of the grammaratical rules someday.
So, if you see me walking across campus with my head down, I'm having a stupid day and I know it. If you have a chance, say something nice to me; I need all of the mental support I can get.
And, if you see John Sieglaff, just laugh at him.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Anonymous
posted 1/31/08 @ 11:03 PM CST
It appears that Scientology helps improve lives after all. Glad it worked for you. ~_^
Post a Comment