Section editor's position threatened
An interesting item in the mail poses a serious question
John Sieglaff
Issue date: 1/31/08 Section: Fun House
Well, it's another break come and gone. I spent the first week getting organized for my classes in a fruitless attempt to get excited about them.
So I went to my mailbox to pick up the textbooks I ordered. Along with a slip for my books was a birthday card from my aunt and uncle, my monthly subscription to "Cooking: The Fine Art," and a very curious envelope with sloppy red crayon writing all over it.
I brought my mail back to my room, took a look at my books, and made myself a steaming plate of pasta with chicken scampi on top.
It was delicious, but not as good as the turkey stuffed peppers I made for my friends. After I was sated, I figured it was time I had a look at this irregular item of mail.
The crudely written words on the outside of the envelope read: "I hate John Sieglaff," "This is serious," and "Fear me." I drew in a deep breath, as I am not used to receiving such mail, and then opened it up. The outside flap of the tri-folded letter had a skull drawn on it and overlapping the drawing was a warning. It said: "Warning: If you are not John Sieglaff do not read this."
Identifying myself as John Sieglaff I felt that I had the proper clearance to read the letter. I unfolded it and read away.
"Dear John," the letter began. "I won't mince words. I hate you. I know of your position on the Lakeland College Mirror as the Funhouse Editor. It is my firm belief that you are a disgrace to the entire genre of comedy and should be stripped of your title. I will take over as the section's editor assuming that you will gracefully step down. There's little to no point in refusing to resign with dignity, as I am certain that your Editor-in-Chief is already looking for a replacement. I've heard funnier material in eulogies! Chase and Eddie? What is that? It's just two talking heads."
I stopped reading at this point just to take a relaxing breath. My heart was beating rapidly and a shiver crawled its way down my spine. Even sitting on my bed in my room with the door locked, I felt unsafe suddenly. I felt sullied and insulted. The part about the eulogies really kind of got to me.
So I went to my mailbox to pick up the textbooks I ordered. Along with a slip for my books was a birthday card from my aunt and uncle, my monthly subscription to "Cooking: The Fine Art," and a very curious envelope with sloppy red crayon writing all over it.
I brought my mail back to my room, took a look at my books, and made myself a steaming plate of pasta with chicken scampi on top.
It was delicious, but not as good as the turkey stuffed peppers I made for my friends. After I was sated, I figured it was time I had a look at this irregular item of mail.
The crudely written words on the outside of the envelope read: "I hate John Sieglaff," "This is serious," and "Fear me." I drew in a deep breath, as I am not used to receiving such mail, and then opened it up. The outside flap of the tri-folded letter had a skull drawn on it and overlapping the drawing was a warning. It said: "Warning: If you are not John Sieglaff do not read this."
Identifying myself as John Sieglaff I felt that I had the proper clearance to read the letter. I unfolded it and read away.
"Dear John," the letter began. "I won't mince words. I hate you. I know of your position on the Lakeland College Mirror as the Funhouse Editor. It is my firm belief that you are a disgrace to the entire genre of comedy and should be stripped of your title. I will take over as the section's editor assuming that you will gracefully step down. There's little to no point in refusing to resign with dignity, as I am certain that your Editor-in-Chief is already looking for a replacement. I've heard funnier material in eulogies! Chase and Eddie? What is that? It's just two talking heads."
I stopped reading at this point just to take a relaxing breath. My heart was beating rapidly and a shiver crawled its way down my spine. Even sitting on my bed in my room with the door locked, I felt unsafe suddenly. I felt sullied and insulted. The part about the eulogies really kind of got to me.
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